The anticipation that kills

With the beach two days away and college in thirteen, I'm not sure how much longer I can endure this anticipation!

I feel like I want college to be happening right now! But honestly I'm not so sure. In my life (and probably in everyone's) they've had "checkpoints" or so to speak.

For me it was "man I Can't wait to be ten! The big one oh, first time in the double digits :)" then came the, "man when I'm eleven I'll be a PRE TEEN!" (Probably one of the coolest things to be haha) then I got into the teenage years and was raving over turning sixteen. Not only because I thought I was gonna have some raving party but also I'll be able to drive!! As all these check points come about, I realize that college just feels like another to add to the list.

I'm not sure if I'm actually excited or if I'm going along with the normalcy of college.

I don't know, peace and love.

Oni.

Pittsburgh

I am sorry. I just want to apologize in advance to any Pittsburgh natives. I have nothing personal against Pittsburgh or its crappy football team... (well maybe I have something against the Steelers ... lol)

Well I start college in this Steelers loving town soon. And all of the days before filling out my application here my admissions lady was telling me how great it is there, and how great the fashion is. So me being the optimistic person that I am went in with an open heart and mind.... and came out with disappointment and pity.

I was disappointed because the fashion was crap!! (me being optimistic: maybe everyone was having a dress down day ... EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE!!!) Not only will I have to dig to the deepest depths to find ANY inspiration there, none of my roommates are fashion majors. Maybe I'll be blessed with a well dressed roommate, maybe the heavens will take pity on me. (Being that I'm surrounded by Steelers everywhere!!!)

Also, my time there will be filled with pain because my one roommate who called me is the complete opposite of my personality! I am sarcastic and blunt but in a funny loving way lol. And she is about as dry and borning and formal as I DONT KNOW WHAT! But if you think of something to compare please let me know. And the funny part about her formality is that she's from new york (my home town and love!!) although sadly to say she's from upstate new York and had not set a polished toe in my neighborhood. But I digress, she didn't want to get to know me she was right to business about this stupid list!!

And since I have now arrived at the topic of the list, I had planned to just buy all of my own items. For example, my own cups, bowls, iron and ironing board etc. Because the way I see it is that regardless of whether or not I buy it now or next year when I get a new dorm room I'm gonna need those items. Or better yet, when I graduate and get my first apartment I'm gonna need those things so why not have me buy it now and call it a day. I'm gonna need cups, plates, ironing boards and etc then so why wouldn't I get it now. And also, when I leave to get a new dorm my cups and plates are going with me, if I bought it its leaving with me end of story!

Well I'm done ranting I guess, wish me luck with these people. (Side note: I DON'T REALLY LIKE FEMALES OR HANGING OUT WITH THEM hopefully this doesn't turn into a mini version of bad girls club; nahh they're to boring lol) (sorry to my roommates if we do become friends and you don't try to steal my stuff and we actually get along...)

Oh more on my bet and my love life soon, I didn't forget :)

Peace and love,

Oni

Bugs the size of rats and possibly a boy ;)

So it has been about four years since I had a relationship. And I know what you're thinking "omg call the nearest guy to come date her!" But don't fret...

(side note: I was in my moms dirt basement doing laundry and she complained to me how I shouldn't be in the basement etc. Well I pleaded my case (and won) about how its cooler down there than the third floor where my room is. And I was sitting down there listening to music, enjoying my victory and writing this blog when THE HUGEST BUG, ABOUT THE SIZE OF A RAT DARTED UNDER SOME BOXES OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE. I nearly peed myself o.0 I think it was a thousand legger. But if my mother asks I left cause I needed to charge my phone not because that thing nearly stopped my heart...I feel itchy :/ no more basement for me EVER! :End side note)

any who, dont fret cause during those four years, I hated dating! Anything that remotely had to do with relationships I was disregarding and putting down. But now I'm ready to eat every bad word that I said about dating!

I bet you're wondering how such a hardcore believer of the stupidity of dating could suddenly just change her mind. His name will remain untold in case of accidentally discovering my blog. But he's what seems to be unreal.... he speaks another language, has a really good job, a good head on his shoulder, plays the piano, sings, has the same religious beliefs as me, is an absolute goof ball: need I say more. Ha well because of this mysyery man I've come to a road block even bigger than the first: COLLEGE! More on this heart and head breaking topic later;) (side note) it smells like poop, closing the windows lol (end side note)

A late night realization

So I'm sitting here on my aunts couch at 1:48 in the morning singing to myself and realizing just how blessed I am. I have a come a long way as a person and i realize now how far left I have to go, and honestly I'm not as afraid as what I would have imagined myself to be.

Just last year I would of loathed taking pictures: and I still have to remind myself that the camera is my friend and that I don't have to be frightened by it. But now I'm posting up pictures like there is no tomorrow and asking everyone I see to take a picture with me...only if I know them of course haha
I have made a lot of friends and relstionships with people that I hope to last a lifetime. And now I get to begin a new chapter in my life. This one will be called college ....

Sincerely, oni.

Peace and love.

Unorganized

So I'm currently living out of a suitcase five out of seven days a week and I work two jobs and juggle school and honestly I feel like my life is falling apart. My grades are dropping and I only have two more months left in school I don't know how much more I can take. Also my heart problems seem to be recurring again. Chest pains and a clicking noise aren't normally supposed to happen I don't think. But anyway I HAVE to find a way to get the reins back on my life before its to late. Wish me luck!

Peace and love,

Oni.

controversy

I don't make many posts online because I bought a journal, but when ever I can't find it I will post my thoughts on here. What ever they may be. So I apologize now for any controversy.

Heated blankets are really hot, time to turn mine down...

peace and love,

Oni.

We make the famous rich, but our pockets are crying

So this post is just a mixture of things that I have come to realize, or have been realizing but I decided not to acknowledge them.

We are all surrounded by lies. Constantly, every single day we wake up and are faced with the horrifying truth that there are lies everywhere we turn. I do not mean to be offensive towards anyone, but I just need my thoughts to be put out there.

For me, when I see myself and look at the world around me it is honestly sad and pathetic. It's hard for me to be "myself" because "myself" isn't accepted as whats "normal" or "beautiful". When actually the "beauty" we see in our celebrities is truly false. They are people, just like you and I and we continue to place them on a high pedestal. And honestly I feel sorry for the people with their names in the spot light, because they have to be "perfect" ALL THE TIME. And truthfully if you think about the fact that they have to go through full on make up and hair every time you leave to go anywhere, and make sure that you look "red carpet ready" is sad.
- I read an article in a magazine (I am not quoting) saying what was Britney spears and her kids thinking when they wore sweat pants to take the dog to the vet. <- if nothing in that sentence bothers you then in my opinion your to materialistic. Who really gives a rats ass, shes going to the vet for goodness sakes not the academy awards. It honestly pathetic that that's what is FRONT PAGE NEWS in magazines when there are possibly more important things happening.

And whats even worse is that people, girls and boys; men and women all around the world are sucked into the false realities of that's what they should be like.

We constantly want to pick the brains of the people we idol, and see what a day in their shoes is really like. We want to be them, lets be honest. We want their cars, and their money and their fame and to have millions of people looking up to you. When actually being a celebrity and loved is probably one of the hardest jobs anyone can take. You actually have to be able to complete what ever talent or task you're good at, you have be "in shape" aka far to skinny to function. You have to be a role model to millions of people who all think differently and have different opinions. There will be people out there who will love you to bits, hate you beyond belief, fan girl you, stalk you and lots of other crazy things. What people don't realize is that WE GIVE THEM POWER, WE GIVE THEM MONEY, WE MAKE THEM FAMOUS. If it wasn't for us spending our rent checks on their movie premieres, CD's, concerts, and television shows and a million other forms of propaganda: they would be just like us. Their wealth and entire existence depends entirely on us and whether or not we choose to love them, or hate them or love to hate them they wouldn't be that "famous celebrity" if it wasn't for us.

PS. This goes for people that we make into celebrities like famous youtubers, bloggers, instagramers, etc. They have it hard just as much as the more well known celebrities do. 

Well I'm gonna stop for now because I hate writing long articles. Sorry for any grammatical errors, and such.

Peace and love,

Oni.